Adrift
by StarTraveler
Summary: Got inspired to write after watching the two part premiere online without Rachel, Tom is lost.


Disclaimer: The Last Ship belongs to TNT.

AN: I found a way to watch both episodes of the season premiere online, it was a pain the ass to accomplish but worth it. So if you haven't seen it yet my fic contains spoilers from the show and stuff of my own creation.

Thanks to Cathycath who helped me come up with my timetable and the idea for the other fic idea I have in my head based on our convo.

***  
Tom Chandler was slowly getting lost in thought as he drove toward the President's residence and also the headquarters for the business of a slowly recovering nation.

Seventeen months since he had first set out to the Arctic as Captain of the Nathan James.

Seventeen months since he had first laid eyes on her for the very first time.

Thirteen months since he had found out about a virus of unknown origin had wiped out eighty percent of humanity, and showed no signs of stopping. The true nature of his mission revealed, the extent of the horror would soon become apparent.

It also started a new phase of their relationship, working tirelessly to create a cure, keeping her safe from the enemy, discovering how remarkable she was.

Unlike any woman he'd ever known, she'd challenged him, never backed down, slowly became his center without him realizing it. Together they held each other up and faced the massive burden.

Twelve months since they created the cure for the Red Flu, although as far as Tom was concerned, Red Plague was a far better name.

Then the Chosen had come forth as the new enemy, trying to stop the distribution of that cure, he had become obsessed with vengeance, for his wife, Darien, and the countless others who had died.

He became a different man, more toxic, and he took it out on the amazing and courageous scientist who had done so much and more, who hadn't deserved it.

He basically had guilted her into working with the man who had made the Red Flu what it was, a mass murderer and he, Tom Chandler had helped through her over the edge, which led to the madman's rightfully, deserved demise.

But he'd still been too blind to see the fault that was him.

Finally they defeated the sub and crippled their group and they could finally return to shore, to distribute the cure, and restore the government.

He remembered her coming to him as he was about to enter his room, that black, form fitting dress, her natural beauty shining in her face. She had come to hand him a letter and say goodbye, Michener would soon be sending her out into the field.

They had flirted a bit and then he told her goodnight and went into his room.

He put her letter on the desk, he'd read it sometime tomorrow, all he had on his mind was calling his kids to tell them the president wanted to bring them to St. Louis to be closer to him, and finally getting a long, good night's sleep.

Then the sound he'd never forget.

A loud gunshot.

He grabbed his pistol and headed into the hall, he found Rachel lying on the floor, blood from a chest wound all over her, and she needed help and fast.

Her eyes were glassy, the light in them fading.

"Rachel, please stay with me!"

Others had heard the sound and had come; an ambulance was on the way someone had told him.

Tom hadn't registered the words and Slattery pulled him up so Rios could work on her.

They got her to a hospital but she died soon after, Tom stared at her lifeless body in disbelief, a coldness spreading through him.

His anchor through all of this was gone.

He should've gone with her, but once again he'd put his own desires ahead of anything else.

First in Baltimore, so focused on regaining contact with his family, he hadn't picked up on Granderson's intentions and it got everyone including Rachel captured. Now Rachel was dead.

Later that night came the news that shocked him and sent him into rage.

Rage that still shimmered under the surface.

That lost feeling that still held him captive.

Rachel's body had been stolen from the morgue.

Tom jumped up in rage as Mike had brought him the news personally, "How!?"

"I'm sorry, Tom, no one knows."

First Darien, and then Rachel, the two most important women of his life gone, in such a quick span of time.

Twelve months since Rachel's murder.

No one had ever claimed responsibility for stealing her from the morgue.

***  
It was two weeks after the memorial service, he had returned to his room, and had thought about drinking himself into a drunken stupor, and then he had seen the letter she had given him, still sitting where he'd left it.

He sat on his bed and opened it.

***  
Tom,

These past few months have been amazing and for the first time in my life I felt like I had a home and family again.

I haven't felt whole since age ten and my father allowed my mother to die of malaria, he was a missionary priest, who fervently believed God is all and science is something to be abhorred. One of the other workers encouraged me to pursue science and medicine as a way to channel my anger and my feelings of wanting vengeance.

And I did just that, of course my father eventually disowned me, but I made me choice and I've never regretted it.

I believe I did humanity a favor by killing the monster who's name I won't write down, you used Darien, you're deceased wife to guilt me into working with him.

I hate you for it and yet I don't hate you.

You are a man who causes so many emotions in people, strong emotions I've never felt before.

I got you know who to divulge his secrets, it was obvious he desired me, so I led him to believe we'd be together, I had to flirt with him, sit close, act like I was fascinated and desired him.

You had no idea what it was like for me.

Yes I killed him, I'm sorry it turned you against me, but you've become a man I no longer recognize.

One harsh and obsessed with destroying the enemy at all cost.

Maybe one day you'll once again be the Captain I had grown to care for, and yes I can admit I was attracted to.

I know you had felt a pull as well, and maybe your grief and guilt helped shape the new you.

Maybe one day, the universe will bring us back into each other's space again, I have no idea what's to come, but hopefully it'll be things changing for the better.

Until next time Captain,

Rachel.

***  
Tom lowered the letter, tears pouring down his face.

He threw all the liquor out that night, as he let her words sink in.

She had been right.

He would try to be a better man.

***  
He came back to the present, residents were rapidly returning, and the city was once again filling with life and hope. He saw a soldier salute him and he returned it. He saw a mural of his face someone had painted on a building.

As far as he was concerned, Rachel was the one who deserved all that, not him.

Michener was in the process of having a statue of her built outside of the courthouse where he resided, and when things recovered more, her birthday would be declared a national holiday.

He parked his car when he arrived and went inside; he was met by Lieutenant Kara Green who was his personal assistant, as well on the communications team.

A year passed quickly and life continued, she had married Danny Green and three months ago, Frankie Scott Green had been born.

His middle name was of course a tribute to Rachel; Danny was stationed on the Nathan James, helping spread the cure all over the globe, and hadn't met his son yet. Tom knew what it was like, missing long stretches of his children's lives.

"Hello Lieutenant Green."

"And you as well, Captain." He didn't like being called Admiral.

He hated being on land, he missed his ship, although he knew Mike was a more than capable captain.

"How are you?" He asked.

She smiled, "I'm good, and I actually encountered traffic on my way in."

"That means recovery, a very good thing, how is Frankie?" Tom smiled as he thought of her son, a combination of both Kara and Danny and cute as a button.

His children enjoyed cooing over him.

"Three months old and doing so much…I…" A sad look came over his face.

"Lieutenant Green will be home in another month and he'll get to meet his son." He didn't tell her he and Mike had been working on a huge surprise, they'd have him on a plane tomorrow morning, and before the week was over he'd be home.

"Thank you sir."

"I told you can call me Tom when we're alone."

She smiled sheepishly, "So many changes."

"I know it."

She took out a booklet, "I have something, and Michener said it would be a way Doctor Scott could be remembered."

Tom opened it to see a booklet of ration stamps, they had been created since banks were still closed down, and a lot of the U.S. was still in disarray.

Small pockets of the immunes and warlords who didn't want to give up their power still continued to cause issues, as well as distrust some people had for the president, and for the crew of the Nathan James.

Rachel's picture was on the stamp, a picture that had been used on her work file during her time as the CDC. The caption read, In memory of Rachel Scott, because of her we get to live on, we must never forget.

Tom felt a huge lump in his throat and his heart clench, Michener had described his plan for a tribute to her, but to actually see it.

So beautiful, so vibrant, so amazing.

And now gone.

He looked at Kara to see her misty eyed as well.

"They did a great job." He told her.

"It's not enough, especially for her." Kara said with conviction.

"No its not, but we'll definitely work on it."

They parted ways and Tom went into his office and locked the door.

He allowed tears to stream down his face.

Ever since he'd read her letter he had trailed to let go the desires for vengeance, to once again be a better way man.

It helped having Ashley, Sam, and Ava in St. Louis near him, they gave him another reason to get up in the morning and keep fighting.

Dad had chosen to stay in Norfolk, he was tired of traveling and with his heart, and the less strain the better.

Kelly of course had come with Ava; eventually Tom realized Kelly held more than feelings of friendship for him, and more than gratitude for saving her and Ava from Ruskov.

He gently sit her down and told her he wasn't interested, it was too soon since he'd lost two important women, and in his mind she looked a little too much like Darien for his comfort.

He knew she'd been stung, but handled it gracefully. He was glad she had eventually found someone, Greg, a local mechanic.

He wondered how long it was before Rachel's loss would hurt less, before he'd truly forgive himself for his actions toward her while fighting the Chosen.

How long the feeling of being adrift would last because his anchor was gone.

"I miss you, Rachel, I'm sorry I failed you."

And he turned to work to try to get his mind off everything.

***  
AN: Amazing how the two episodes inspired me, you can see the pain Tom is in every time he stares at Rachel's face, and once again thanks to Cathycath for the conversation on twitter. A lot of the season will be good and some things will not be, I see a lot of fics that will be written to try to fix things and make what we see better. Also I have a feeling Rachel will somehow turn up.

Also the character of Sasha is a terrible leading lady as far as I'm concerned, every time she talks you just want her to shut up, I'm already suspicious of her, but already anxious to see what season three will bring.


End file.
